Please do your part

Hello again:

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Mine was filled with spontaneity, fun and excitement. I was able to catch up with old friends. Meet new people and enjoy a couple of good cups of coffee along the way. I am delighted to report that it was a weekend of little consequence and for that I am eternally grateful. I have had a busy past month and have contemplated just exactly how to blog about it. A good friend committed suicide earlier in the month and it really served to send a shockwave through the entire community in which I live, work and play. So many of the people I encounter daily either knew this person directly, or knew him indirectly through one of the many community activities with which he or his partner were associated. He was a good, kind man. He we be sadly missed by so many people who loved him and I will remember him fondly forever.

The reason it is difficult to write about is due to the nature of his passing. Depression is such a serious illness. So many people suffer from it. I am troubled by the insidious nature of it, and by the fact that so many are affected by it. I often wonder what it is in our lifestyles as Americans that has placed this horrible toxin in our air. What is it that has made depression so common? Why is it that we cannot address the issues contributing to it? Why…. Why… why?

I have been struck lately, as I drive on the interstates mostly, of how many billboards attempt to bring attention to the fact that depression can be treated, and suicide kills. Yet the things that are implied are all after the fact remedies that seem to ignore the prevention discussions that we can also have. Mental illness is still the diagnosis in the closet for many people. It is the family member who does not get invited or spoken about at many family functions. It is the thing that many people will leave out of their family history when speaking with their doctor or nurse. It is the badge of something dishonorable to so many yet it is so common that almost every family or working age adult has been touched by tragedy as a result of it having been untreated. Mental illness is often a biologically rooted diagnosis that is exacerbated by many situational factors. Being made to feel that one is unacceptable, unlovable or otherwise unworthy is a huge contributing factor to anyone who has been ostracized by society at large. It is no doubt a contributing factor to the stability of an individual suffering depression. Truth be told it wasn't that many years ago that I had a lovely friend once who died of cancer when little was known about it. Even though today it would be all but unthinkable, she was also ostracized because people were afraid… they didn’t want to “catch” anything. She was beloved by many but in the end days of her life, only a few were still in close daily contact with her. Many would rather hear about how she was doing by visiting with one another over a cup of coffee. Life is safer that way.

Environment has so much to do with how a person deals with and lives with depression. Even when they know they are loved, the questioning that often accompanies the darkness of loneliness and despair, associated with depression, can seem insurmountable to those who suffer from it. Additionally, there are all sorts of contributing societal factors that send very clear messages to us all that one should be happy, look a certain way, spend their money with this company or on that product… social cues that inform us of whether we are living the “Good Life”

Somehow all else is lost and, therefore, less valued by many who engage in the toxic lifestyle of “keeping up with the Jones”. Our society seems destined to continue the practice of valuing oneself by comparison to others. In spite of the fact the Jones left town a long time ago. On an episode of “Designing Women” many years ago Julia Sugarbaker spoke a profound truth about family members suffering from mental illness. She asserted that the visiting northern states niece of her dear friend Bernice (the niece was trying to have Bernice committed for her eccentricities) was unaware of Bernice’s inherent value and charm. In fact, she defended all of Bernice’s actions and then went on to tell the niece – in essence – it was a matter of cultural perspective. She simply stated that the difference was simple. Northern people want to take the “crazies” in their family and lock them away whereas, the people of the South take them out and show them off as people they are proud of. I long for the day when we all will embrace diversity – and the struggles that often accompany it. The day when we can all be honest with one another and, in so doing, begin to eliminate one of the contributing factors to depression – the closet. People with mental illness and Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender people (GLBT) have that one thing in common, The Closet (a room of incredible isolation and loneliness).


GLBT folks and other oppressed peoples are often depressed as a consequence of being told that they are not valuable through so many negative stereotypes and media portrayals. Rampant homophobia (that has long been embraced as a political pulpit from which to spew ideas of hatred) must stop! We are all responsible for allowing it to continue as long as it has and we need to put it to rest.

I ask each of you today to think about the people you may be intentionally (or unintentionally) harming by judging them on the basis of their sexual orientation. Furthermore, I ask you to look around and see what actions you might personally take to make someone feel a little better. It is true that everyone has some sort of burden. Rather than contribute to someone’s burden, take the time to do what you can to lessen it.

Help lift the veil of secrecy that surrounds mental illness. Love your family and friends in a manner that is free from judgment. Learn to be tolerant of difference. Fight against anything and anyone who wishes to promote a single way of life (mainstream) as being the only acceptable way. Challenge yourself, and one another, to be better human beings.

Collectively, we are capable of so much love and understanding. And guess what muffins; it begins with each of us!

Sorry for the soapbox today but I needed to say those things. I really do hope you will comment and we can begin a dialogue on this…

Lovingly posted,
Mrs. P