What the hell?

I am sitting here looking out a window in St. Paul Park, gazing upon a wooded terrain about to wake up from a gray winter nap. This is the same window I looked out a couple of days after my friend Tom died and saw deer walking through the snow in the middle of the night. I wondered then if the darkness would lift. I felt as if my world had permanently lost some of it's sparkle.

Today is a different story however. Last night many of us - old friends and new friends alike - were able to sit around a beautiful fire pit - celebrating the anticipation of an early Spring. I am listening to Sarah McLachlan's "fumbling towards ecstasy" and I muse about if that isn't what we each do - every day?

My dear friend Kristie is visiting this weekend and her presence is a little like crawling into bed with a good book. You know (at least I hope you have the good fortune to know), the type of friendship that requires less talk because so many words are now simply unspoken but well understood.

The type of friendship where the mere utterance of a single word can set you both to laughin' uncontrollably. The type of friendship that truly blesses you and makes you glad to have crossed each other's path. The kind of unconditional acceptance that makes it all okay - and helps you hang on when things become dark and desolate.

I just wanted to launch this note to say I am grateful to you Kristie. I appreciate you dear, as I do so many of the fabulous women I am privileged to have in my life.

Jerri-Sue, Ames, Susie, Jules, Wendy, Sandi... You are all such inspiration! It is certainly not that you breeze through your lives without struggle. It is the grace and wisdom you each employ in your ability to rise above and persevere. It is the incredible love and peace you each have in your hearts and souls and your ability to place others so close to the front of your thoughts.

You are more than wind beneath my wings - you are the tradewinds!

Why is this post entitled "what the hell?" - because that is the name of an upcoming event being held tomorrow at EP Atelier www.epatelier.com .

The event is about Gay/Bi men and spirituality. I struggle so, trying to understand why we have so many people cloaking themselves in self-righteousness and condemning homosexuality. I wonder if I will see and end to such ignorance in my life.

I wonder if the kind words and unconditional acceptance these mighty women named have demonstrated through their daily actions will ever catch on. Will they ever be able to ignite the brush fire that will meet the raging forest fire and extinguish it flame for flame.

I am priviledged to have witnessed a controlled burn or two in my life (you know - when there is a risk of fire in a field - so they start a controlled fire to contain it) http://archives.cbc.ca/IDCC-1-75-849-4928/science_technology/forest_fires/.

I wonder if there is a way for us to locate all of the direction(s) the conservative Christian flames are traveling and can head them off at the pass? http://hrw.org/wr2k5/wr2005.pdf goto page 40 of the report.

If every day we each commit to asking one other to challenge homophobic hatred by calling it out publicly whenever we witness it occur, we will in essence be bringing attention to the fact that the forest is burning...

If every week we each volunteer our effort(s) in speaking up for the oppressed GLBT community in some way and if we acknowledge and support each GLBT-identified person whenever we have the chance, then we will be fanning the flames of our own brush fires.

If we fan those flames right into the path of the forest fire we may have a chance of controlling it before we lose it all.

Let's face it... if the forest burns completely - where will the fresh air be produced. Imagine that each tree represents a vote of independence or a voice of freedom. The destruction could take years - if not lifetimes to rebuild the damage that is clearly underway.

It seems easier to run from the sort of danger that a raging inferno presents. Ask yourself, however, if you haven't enjoyed the gains experienced by accomplishing at least one thing that took incredible effort and discipline on someone's part (if not your own). Effort is worth it!

I am calling to each of the women in my life today to get into gear. Fan the flames of the brush fires with me...

Let's start far enough away from the big blaze to burn out a ring of protection. let's make it wide and solid and continuous. Let's surround and contain the threat. Let's put it out once and for all!

Let's piss on it if we have to - hell - we are ladies....
but we know how to exist in the woods when we need to.

You know in the end we will celebrate and be happy, joyous but most of all FREE!

That's all for now Muffins...

enjoy this fabulous weather and remember the fire warning